Some poems

My Greatest Hit! Mr Moore

Mr. Moore Mr. Moore

Creaking down the corridor

Uh eh uh uh eh

Uh eh uh uh eh

Mr. Moore wears wooden suits

Mr Moore wears great big boots

Mr. Moore’s got hair like a brush

And Mr. Moore don’t like me much.

Chorus

When my teacher’s there I haven’t got a care

I do my sums I do gerzinters

When Mr. Moore comes through the door

Got a wooden head full of splinters.

Chorus

Mr. Moore I implore

My earholes ache my head is sore

Don’t come through the classroom door

Oh don’t come through the classroom door

Mister Mister Mister Moore.

Chorus

Mr. Moore wears wooden suits

Mr Moore wears great big boots

Mr. Moore’s got hair like a brush

And Mr. Moore don’t like me much.

Chorus.

A Poem They Dare Not Print!

(Too Rude and Yukky)

I gave my uncle Ronnie

A cup of tea I’d sneezed in

He didn’t seem to notice

In fact it seemed to please him.

I gave my auntie Lynda

A scrummy slice of cake

But a bit of coughed out spit

Dropped on it by mistake.

The pie I gave my sister

Had an appetising smell

But the plaster from my blister

Dropped in there as well.

I passed a plate of ice-cream

To my hungry mum

Who didn’t see the lumpy bits

Were spat out chewing gum.

I gave my cousin Simon

A sandwich made of chicken

That I noticed far too late

The cat had just been sick in.

They shouted and were angry,

I worried not a jot

Because I saw them drink the milk

In which I popped my spot!

A Poem They Did Print!

At Cider Mill Farm

I remember my uncle’s farm

Still in mid-summer

Heat hazing the air above the red roof tops

Some cattle sheds, a couple of stables

Clustered round a small yard

Lying under the hills that stretched their long back

Through three counties.

I rolled with the dogs

Among the hay bales

Stacked high in the barn he built himself

During a storm one autumn evening

Tunnelled for treasure or jumped with a scream

From a pirate ship’s mast into the straw

Burrowed for gold and found he’d buried

Three battered Ford cars deep in the hay.

He drove an old tractor that sweated oil

In long black streaks down the rusty orange

It chugged and whirred, coughed into life

Each day as he clattered across the cattle grids

I remember one night my cousin and I

Dragging back cows from over the common

We prodded them homeward through the rain

And then drank tea from huge tin mugs

Feeling like farmers.

He’s gone now, he sold it

But I have been back for one last look

To the twist in the lane that borders the stream

Where Mary, Ruth and I once waded

Water sloshing over our wellies

And I showed my own children my uncle’s farm

The barn still leaning over the straw

With for all I know three battered Ford cars

Still buried beneath it.

From The Works 4
chosen by Pie Corbett and Gaby Morgan
for Macmillans Children’s Books

Here are some poems from the new book(with Paul Cookson and illustrated by Carl Flint). It’s called

It Came From Outer Space.

Published by Macmillans Children’s Books

The Worst Place To Find An Alien

Didn’t know how it got there

Just knew it was true

The day that I discovered

The alien down the loo.

I shouted for my Dad

Not knowing what to do

He arrived and said ‘What’s that?’

The alien down the loo.

He stuck his head right in there

To get a better view

Saw a purple splodgy thing

The alien down the loo.

It had long scaly legs

Nipping crab claws too

Nobody could sit upon

The alien down the loo.

We depressed the flush

Yelled and shouted ‘BOO!’

It reso-loo-tley stopped there

The alien down the loo.

The more we tried to shift it

The more it stuck like glue

Glaring back with one big eye

The alien down the loo.

It started to get bigger

Grew and grew and grew

Waved its creepy feelers

The alien down the loo.

Dad bashed it with the brush

And a snooker cue

But out it clambered angrily

The alien down the loo.

It sprouted slimy wings

And round the room it flew

We hid inside the shower from

The alien down the loo.

It dived and tried to grab us

Squirted us with goo

It stung and stank, we didn’t like

The alien down the loo.

Just then my Mum arrived

To mount a brave rescue

‘Just go away!’ she yelled at

The alien down the loo.

It tried to bite her nose off

She hit it with her shoe

We saw it flap and then collapse

The alien down the loo.

Mum opened wide the window

Out through which she threw

The horrid, hairy body of

The alien down the loo.

Since then we’ve never seen it

But if I were you

I’d go and check you haven’t got

An alien down the loo.

 

Here we are with two more from the new book. The Alien Restaurant got in but the chicken one didn’t.

The Alien Restaurant.

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

Saw the menu there

Strange and slimy, it said ‘Try Me,

Eat Here If You Dare!’

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

Ate Grooblik-Grotgrunge curry

All wriggle and writhe, still alive

Slurped it in a hurry.

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

Ate Misty Martian soup

Glowing green in a steamy tureen

Inter-Galactic gloop.

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

Ate Venusian Swogglebat pie

Chunky, chewy, sticky and gooey

Hot as the sun in the sky.

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

Ate Splogglesplat spaghetti

Warm and wormy, really squirmy

I went all red and sweaty.

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

Ate crispy Gaggle Fly eggs

Lumpy, bumpy, made me jumpy

With shaking, quaking legs.

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

Ate Feathery Fuddlebird stew

All squeals and squeaks, claws and beaks

Really delicious too.

 

Went down to the alien restaurant

To eat some Siloobian swan

But in its place was empty space

And that’s just where it’s gone.

It’s Chicken, But Not As We Know It.

I bought some chicken pieces

From the fried chicken shop

When I opened up my bucket

My eyes began to pop.

Three legs and nine wings

In golden crunchy batter

But I couldn’t eat them up

Something was the matter.

A chicken never flies,

A chicken never sings

And a chicken hasn’t got

Three legs and nine wings

A chicken always has

Just two of these things

But this chicken’s got

Three legs and nine wings!

So if you buy a bucket

Of chicken that is fried

You might find a space-man

Sitting there inside

 

Saying ‘Don’t eat me please

Stop your lips from licking

I’ve come to find

My nine-legged chicken!’

A chicken never flies,

A chicken never sings

And a chicken hasn’t got

Three legs and nine wings

A chicken always has

Just two of these things

But this chicken’s got

Three legs and nine wings!

Don’t be tempted

To find an explanation

This is a warning

To the chicken eating nation.

 

 

Sometimes a chicken

Isn’t what it seems

It can bring you nightmares

Instead of tasty dreams.

 

A chicken never flies,

A chicken never sings

And a chicken hasn’t got

Three legs and nine wings

A chicken always has

Just two of these things

But this chicken’s got

Three legs and nine wings!

Paul, Carl and I collaborated on a book called It’s Behind You! and this poem is a big favourite with Infant children especially. Often I ask one of the children to come to the front of the hall with me and help me perform it.

Mason The Moody Monster

 

Mason the moody monster

Was in a gloomy mood

He wasn’t feeling happy

A really dismal dude.

 

He stuck out his tongue

Like all small boys

Tugged at his ears

Made a rude noise

Shouted ‘Knickers!”

Pulled a face

Stomped and stamped

All over the place

Threw his dinner at the wall

Began to bellow, burp and bawl

Growled and grunted

Kicked a chair

Slammed a door

Screamed ‘IT’S NOT FAIR!’

 

Yes Mason the moody monster

Was having a terrible day

And his lumpy-grumpy feelings

Would not go away.

 

But his dad sang a song

And his mum cracked a joke

They tickled his tummy

They gave him a poke

They let him play football

And he scored

He did a small dance

And he wasn’t so bored

And then he chuckled

Twinkled his toes

Scratched at his head

Poked at his nose

He hopped and he skipped

Drank some pop

Started to smile

And he couldn’t stop

 

Then Mason the moody monster

Laughed out loud with a roar

And Mason the moody monster

Wasn’t moody any more!

 

Scary huh?????????????

 

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World Book Day

i spent today at Kingsoak Primary Learning Centre in Wombwell, Barnsley. It was actually the second of two days in this big, busy, lovely school. Over the two days I worked with all of KS1 and all of KS2 and read poems to everyone, including F1 and F2, in my opening assembly yesterday.. In the workshops we wrote loads of MONSTER poems, UFO poems, PIRATE poems and PLAYING TIG poems and had a very very very good time. Everyone at the school is SO friendly and worked so hard. The grown ups are great and helped me a lot when I was working with the children. The boys and girls did a lot of poetry AND a lot of laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the teacher who asked me along, Mrs.Smith, had worked very hard and organised a poetry competition, so each class in the school learnt a poem and performed it. There were two slams and I had to choose two winners which was, as you can imagine, impossible….IMPOSSIBLE!!

In the first slam i chose Y5 because they did a very lively version of a Spike Milligan poem about the Ning Nang Nong and during their performance, they had all sorts people jumping up and down in unexpected places making noises, which made it exciting to listen to and watch. They came just in front of a very very good Y2 performance. And Foundation stage won the second slam because they performed a long version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with lots of group voices and very confident solos and some triangles too!

But all the classes were great. Everyone performed their poems with a high energy and huge confidence and did some great bits of acting-out, often with props. A very impressive set of performances.

Above all, the children of this school now have learned some excellent poems (three were written by me so of course I thought they were excellent!) by heart AND all of them stood up in front of an audience and made their poems come to life.

GREAT!!!!!!!

And of course everyone today, all the grown ups and all the kids, were dressed as their favourite book characters.

Thank you for a fabulous two days!

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